Crazy Driving

True Story:

We're driving home from my wifes grandparents today. I'm typically a very "aware" driver in that I try to pay attention to what's happening in a 360 degree radius around the car, as well as far ahead of us. Because of this, I was not particularly caught off guard when, as we drove along in the left lane of the highway, two cars in the right lane suddenly decided to hit their brakes and swing across our lane and into the left turn lane beside us. I was also completely aware of the car zooming in on our right (also known as "my wife's side") from the merge lane there. I did a quick set of mental calculations (insert joke about mental abilities here), figured out that at everyones current speed I could just drive straight through on my original vector, and did just that. At no point was any car closer to us than the standard highway manual would approve. We neither swerved nor braked. If you're eyes had been closed you would have never known that we had had a moderately close encounter with a group of standard issue highway morons. It was smooth as silk, and if I may say so, by the book. Several seconds later my wife gave her carefully considered and insightful assessment of the entire episode with the following sentence:

"You drive like a maniac."

I briefly attempted to argue that I had not, in fact, been in any way, shape, or form responsible for the driving of the other three motorists, but my wife, wielding her 9th month of pregnancy like an iron mace, crushed my flimsy arguments and cast them into the soundless realms of "Husbands who know when to shut up".

On a side note, I think it's best we avoid restaurants while she is still pregnant, lest I accidentally cook a bad meal while we are there.